Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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