She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
