Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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