It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
