nut hugger
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
