just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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