BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
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