the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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