if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
