The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Don't EVER smell your tampon
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
