his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
