how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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