It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
