Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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