So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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