If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
