I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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