Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
