glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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