I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
