o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
