Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
