Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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