i think i have two assholes
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
