I must be too annoying 4 u.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
