Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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