I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
