The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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