I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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