Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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