Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My vagina just clenched in fear
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
