Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
