were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
