guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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