so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
