I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
