All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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