fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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