She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
