I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
