Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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