If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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