i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
