now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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