I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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