??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
