I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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