Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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