just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
