I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
