We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
They are going to name an STD after you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
