I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
These tits shall not be calmed
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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