Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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