Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
