so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
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i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize