From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
