I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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