I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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