this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
