So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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