I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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