God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
