I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
