Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There r osticjed everywhere
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
