How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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