Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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