i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize